by JEFFREY MARAVILES
“Don’t judge a person because you are in a different position”
“It is only when we ask questions that we understand.”
“An ex-criminal was once a criminal, but not forever. It was their choice. Today is another day to define themselves.”
These were some of the unforgettable lines I learned in my philosophy class when I was still in college. It’s undeniably important, especially when you’re the one being judged for your past by people who don’t really know you and only have a limited understanding of you.
Nowadays, individuals are more concerned about the morality and reputation they can see from others rather than being anthropologists and understanding the complexities of cultures, behaviors, and history. There is a conflict between the desire not to judge others and the ethical need to make judgments, especially if a person has an unpleasant past (Oderberg, 2016).
Mister Fred Rogers said, “Who we are in the present includes who we were in the past.” This is true, but it doesn’t mean that our past defines who we are today. Our experiences shape us, but they don’t define us (Lalonde, 2016). This is why McLeod (2007) stated that in psychology, motivation, emotion, and perceptual set play a role in defining who we are now. This set is composed of physiological needs, rewards and punishments, emotional connotations, individual values, personality, and the value of objects.
Imagine a hyperactive kid who’s always in motion, seeking attention outside his family circle, because he was emotionally abused by fear in his everyday life. This type of kid is impulsive and can’t control their sudden decisions or think before acting. They may cry out, show emotions without moderation, and act without considering consequences (Grohol, 1995). This is an example of a kid’s deficit and depends on their family life. So, if a person has an unpleasant past, there is a reason why it happened, and they don’t deserve to be defined by it in the present. However, our past can stain us, and our opinions of others are shaped by our experiences.
In philosophy, Buddha taught us that when people are judging us, it’s not about us; it’s about them. Nancy Lopez puts it this way: “Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment, and you can see forever” (Weiss, 2015). People might judge others easily because of their own experiences and to cope with their mistakes. But why do we judge? We don’t know the person well, can’t identify with their beliefs, values, or behavior, and they somehow threaten how we perceive ourselves. Be an anthropologist, ask questions, and understand.
Now, the question is, “What if we stop attacking ourselves with those judgments? What if we’ve chosen to let the past be the past and learned from our mistakes? Will we still be seen as scatterbrained?”
Our past advises our choices, especially when we know how to decide before acting. Our past doesn’t make our choices for us; it’s up to us to make our choices. It’s not about the unpleasant past, but about putting it behind us and not repeating it.
– END